| Ever stop to think about where you and the people you know will all be in the future? Five years? Ten? Will you be in school? In jail? Married with kids? Divorced?
It's funny, because spring brings numerous articles on weddings and marriages, and lately I've heard of about 6 people who have recently gotten engaged. Most of them are young, which is a really scary thing, and most of them haven't been dating for a long time. In Cosmo, there was a quiz designed to help you find out if you wanted to be married or didn't. *smirk* Whodathunk one would need a quiz to figure it out, eh? I am curious, though... what makes some girls dream of getting married from the time they are small children, and conversely, what makes some girls want to remain single and self-supporting?
I guess I'm one of the girls who always wanted to seal the deal. When I was younger, I viewed it as relationship super-glue. Even though my parents divorced when I was seven, I believed that once people got married, it made things easier and more permanent. Now that I'm (slightly) older, I've become more cynical. I know that most marriages fail, and transitively, most relationships (because the common progression for a romantic relationship is marriage, and if the marriage fails, usually the couple doesn't retain their romantic relationship).
For me, if I get married one day, I'm sure that I'm going to be shocked to find that simple vows don't preserve fidelity, honesty or love. I know this now, I think, but I'm stuck in a grass-is-always-greener mentality. What I need, instead of marriage, is a signed and unbreakable contract. When I mean unbreakable, I mean he isn't getting out on any technicality, or anything else. Stuck. For life. Forever. Hah. If only there were such things.
I can't help but feel sometimes that every relationship is a waste of time, if only because (as cited from a website which may or may not be incorrect) 70-75% of all first, monogamous, long-term-intended relationships fail. Christ- that number sent a shiver down my spine. Okay, so I think I maybe satisfied my first long-term-intended relationship, but what about Bill? Hmm. I don't like this website anymore. Fuck it and its statistics stating what we all know to be true- that 50% of first marriages fail.
Of note, most of my friends with "broken" families are among those who wish to get married early in life. Maybe as an escape? I don't know.
While you have people like myself (and Charlotte from Sex in the City) in the "yay marriage column," you also have people like one of my best friends. Her parents have been together through some terribly rough times over the past... 24 years? I don't remember. I do know that it's over 20, and that it impresses the hell out of me and almost gives me some hope. This friend is among the new, less marriage-oriented girls. She doesn't (seem to) want to get married as a permanent cementing operation. A less marriage-oriented girl has respect for herself and is strong enough to create her goals around herself, instead of plans for her future relationship (if there is one), or plans that revolve around a man. Maybe we evolved from the women of the '40s and '50s because we were sick of being called old maids, or sick of having to submit to sacrificing ourselves and our images in the name of hooking a man for marriage.
Why should I be optimistic that the 25-30% of those first, monogamous, long-term-intended relationships that don't fail will include me? What are the odds? I read an article the other day about a couple who has been married for 75 years. SEVENTY-FIVE! They were married at ages 20 and 21, and are still together today. I so very much want to be in their shoes when I'm 95 or 96. But again, what are the odds?
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